BexxieBby

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 21:37:11 GMT

am really down,
eaten loads! had over 1000 calories today :[
feel like i want to waste away and die atm, i really do hate myself
but the only thing that keeps me going is a fake smile and a hope
that one day i might be thin :[, am just a wannabe really.

I am normally like this, everyday, the summer holidays only started like
last week and i already feel like i have had a breakdown ever
since i have left, i think its because am on my own all the time and
i let myself get carried away. I dont think there is anything that can save
me from being so depressed :[.

am only 13 and am a failure, i have always been on the bright side of
life. always the funny one but always the FAT one. my friends say am
just cuddly but they cant say anything, they are all thiin, i really am fat.
GOD i know i have amazing friends but known of them are truley there
for me even the one who supposidly has a ED too. I dont think she
belives me :[. someone help. i wanna loose weigh. x

hmm....

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 13:38:31 GMT

am quite confussed today so I though that I would write down all my thoughts, friends are really speical to me atm, made friends with some old ones, realised who my best friend is and stuff like that, ever since the ED I think about life differently :D maybe i appreciate people more. My family are so close to me anymore, my mum and dad well i have made the distant, maybe am just scared they will found out how down i am atm. the "almost perfect" community is amazing, really feel good when i post on there and i now am not alone.

today i have eaten 1 piece of pita bread [155 calories] and coleslaw [about 200 calories], i think tonight am just gonna go in my bedroom put my music on and burn it all of :D i havent had my tea tonight but am gonna try and relax today i mean i have the lowest possible calorie in take everyday so am praying my mum will make salad for me tonight.Boys is another thing I am confussed, i want to be loved but my friends have all got boyfriends am sure every unhappy single girl thinks like i do but one of my best friends has one like everyweek but she is really really pretty and thin and...do i have to go on :(. My bestest friend Lauren is always there for my these past couple of days i have really connected with her and we have talked for hours on msn about everything, i can really open up to her,i really can. She is the only one that listens really i love her like a sister, maybe more than a sister. I know that i am broken in many way, love wise and mind wise am very weak but I know i have people to run to, people to hug, people to cry on and listen to. Me and lauren are havinga really big sleepover on friday its gonna be amazing, am getting giddy thinking about, and we will probably stay up till god knows what time. I feel very inspired today so I am planning to start writing a story or paint/draw. I think its because I have been watching romantic movies and thinking alot plus really werid dreams. anyway I am really babbling now :D love you all stay strong x

First Entry

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 12:14:52 GMT

Okiie this my first entry, dont really know what to say but you have to start somewhere, its the start of the holidays and am home alone, I havent eat alot today :D

one and a half of a coleslaw sandwhich
one banana
yeh it is a bit much but I just felt hungry anyway am full now, I just tried to join the proanarexic LJ pg. I hope I am let in :D anyway am just listening to music and chilling out now, exercising when my mum comes home which is in abut an hour, cant wait :D.

Tonight, we are seeing the simpsons movie at the trafford center WOO not getting popcron I have promised myself YAY. There is a bad side to today though, my best friend is dating the only boy I ever loved, yes am only 13 but I can still love and I love Jamie! Its sooooooo stressing though, hearing her go on about him all the time, I feel like crying, she is sooo beautiful though and THIN! omg I really want to be her, I have a lead role in my school play and It beauty and the beast but I want to come back to school beautiful and thin because am not that atm.

well am going now byeeeeee x